A lot of time has passed since I’ve written my last blog, but My life has certainly been unboxxed.

I moved to Maine. FREAKING MAINE. And it’s awesome. There so so much to do here compared to Monroe. I miss my friends and family every single day and I think about them very often, but I’m meeting new people.
I found some cool spots like an island and a really cool beach that led to a huge rock that let you look over the ocean.

I went to a cool bridge that looks over a river and saw some ducks swimming around and that was adorable. It’s definitely been quite the adventure so I will try to actually keep up with the blog so you guys can read all about it.

I woke up this morning with a desire to be better. Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever wake up and decide that today is the day. I’ll better myself in some way so that the people I love can see the best version of myself? Maybe you think you are already the best version of yourself. If that is the case, do you want to learn something new since there is nothing else to occupy your mind considering you’re already perfect? I wonder what it could be.

I have been teaching myself German for a long time. Too long some would say, but I’m not in a rush to know it. I’ll never need it seeing where my life is right now. If I ever move to Germany then I’ll be in good shape, but as much as that idea excites me, it’s only a fantasy. I’m struggling just to get out of my current city. The more I think about moving to Maine, the less that I can actually see it happening. 2,000 miles from where I currently live? I can’t even imagine and I know it’ll break some of my family’s heart, but that really isn’t my problem. The only thing that would wreck my world is if my grandmother passed while I’m up there. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Death in the family is a hard thing to accept. I love my grandmother so much and if anything were to happen to her then I would be destroyed. She is an amazing woman even at 85. Her health has been in a slight decline, but she still gardens and keeps her house looking like something out of HGTV. She is great and I hope she doesn’t get taken at least for another decade.

Writing becomes difficult for me after a while. Do you enjoy writing? Does it bring a side of you that no one around you is aware of? Do you feel more real on paper than you do in real life? I want to get to know the you both on paper and in real life. I want you to know how I am in real life and tell me if you prefer me on paper or me in person. I’m emotional on paper, but I pretend not to care in person. I’m almost an exact opposite. Maybe that is why I have such a hard time finding love. I’m hiding my real self from everyone around me. Maybe that should change, but I’m afraid the people around me won’t understand. The city I live in isn’t a fan of change even though that’s all they talk about. They will ask for change, but as soon as something changes then they all hate it. Usually it’s because it changes in a way that, though is better for everyone, ultimately goes against what they were hoping for. Maybe there is someone out there who can crack the wall I’ve built up around me. I hope, if you have a wall around you, you have someone who has torn it down and exposed you for who you want to be. I hope you are in love and they are in love with you.

“Man conquers the world by conquering himself.” -Zeno of Citium

I’ve talked about meditating in a previous post, but I want to talk about my progression and so far I’ve learned that meditation is for the open minded. This is something I have learned in my search for a stable inner-peace in my life and I have to say that I have found it to be working much better than I expected. I’m surprised to find it working so well because I did have my doubts. I have struggled with sleeping through the night for a long time and Starbucks offers Headspace, as previously mentioned, and I started using it specifically for sleep. The first few nights didn’t produce much fruit, but the past few nights have been wonderful. I’ve slept all the way to my alarm which is something I am definitely not used to. The best thing about this app is that even if I do end up waking up in the middle of the night, there is a wind down meditation that is designed to help you fall back to sleep. It is the best feeling in the world to have help falling back to sleep when the mind is running and keeping you from doing so.

During the day there are meditations that are designed to relieve stress and anxiety and, though I have’t used the app much during the day, the times I have have been really nice. The meditations have helped me relax during the day so I don’t get so stressed so easily. I have issues with becoming angry at small things that I do like messing up at work or hurting myself like bumping my head, stubbing my toe, etc. These meditations have helped with dealing with these issues. It has helped to cope with my loneliness and depression more than I ever thought it could. I highly recommend meditating if you suffer from any of the issues mentioned above.

I write to help with these issues as well. Writing is a form of meditation in and of itself regardless if people read it or not. I like the idea of people reading as it helps me cope with being alone, but at the same time it feels good just to write things down. I’ve never seen myself as an excellent writer so I can understand why people wouldn’t want to read this silly blog.

I’ve dealt with loneliness for a long time and it is hard to see how it would get any easier. Every time I am alone, I start thinking about how terrible everything is and all I want to do is be around people so I can escape it. I find myself looking for a female companion that can help me find peace even though I know that wouldn’t solve any of my issues. I always hear that to find peace through another person, first you must find peace with yourself. The idea has always sounded ridiculous to me, but it doesn’t really matter because it is as if the universe refuses to let me find happiness through another person. Every time a woman comes in to my life they leave just as quickly. Some have completely disappeared and others have told me their reasoning. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough for anyone, but deep down I know it’s not true. There is so much beauty in people that I’ve allowed it to blind me from the beauty of life. Of all the places I want to travel, I end up travelling where I have friends. To me, being with someone adds to any adventure I take. When I went to Minnesota I met with my friend Samantha and she showed me around the city and even a little of the state. We went to Lake Superior and got high on a rock next to the vast ocean-like terrain. We went and saw waterfalls and stayed in a tent for a couple nights. We kicked back and vibed for a whole week and it was so much fun. I wouldn’t trade those days for anything and all I’ve wanted to do since I left is to go back. The adventure was great, but Sam’s presence made it even better.

In order to help me in my process I plan to make a huge move. In July, when I finish my second semester in grad school, I plan to move to Portland, Maine for ten months. I want to experience the Northeast and see what life is like up there. I’ll look for teaching jobs, but my fall back will be Starbucks and maybe even Books a Million if I need two jobs to live comfortably. I know I’ll be alone and scared for a little bit, but my hope is that I’ll make friends fairly quickly and find comfort in the new area. If anybody who reads this lives up there, maybe we can be friends. Who knows?

It’s a terrifying thought. Moving somewhere you’ve never been just to see if life offers a positive change or a negative. I want to fall in love and I’m willing to give up everything on a chance that it may or may not happen. I’m not banking on it, but I have hopes. That isn’t the only reason I’m moving, of course. I’m also moving for a new experience. I’ve lived in my current city for my whole life and I just want to escape even if it’s for a little while. I feel like no one wants me here. Every friend group I’m apart of (which isn’t many) has someone who dislikes me for some reason or another. I did dumb shit during college, but even recently I’ve accidentally done things that people, in my opinion, have over reacted and just decided I was a bad person as a result. I don’t care for people who dislike other people for practically no reason. Apparently I have a lifestyle that some people just can’t deal with, but what that lifestyle is I have no idea. Maybe I really am a bad person.

My dad’s birthday is today. I sure do miss him…

YES. I can admit that it is definitely the most boring sport to watch aside from golf, but I love baseball. I’m a Red Sox fan through thick and thin and the current weather is thin due to the sign-reading scandal, but it’s whatever. Alex Cora got fired so all the haters should be fine. If you are a Red Sox fan, check out the section 10 podcast. It is honestly the only way I was able to keep up with the shitty 2019 season.

Don’t worry, this post isn’t all about baseball. Other sports can have a turn. I don’t care much for football (Saints fan here) and not that big on soccer or professional bowling. Hockey, however, has caught my attention as recent as last year. A buddy of mine was a fan and peer-pressured me into following the sport. He is a Sharks fan and it would be boring for me to be a fan of the same team so I stuck with my Boston ways and became a Bruins fan. Good thing I did too because last year they made it all the way to the final and this year they are doing just fine. I love Brad Marchand so much, but I know if he ever leaves I will hate him. If you don’t know who that is, then look up “Fuck Brad Marchand” on Youtube and enjoy. If you don’t like hockey, then still do it because it’s all about people getting hurt and everyone loves that.

So day 3 of blogging and somehow I’ve been getting views. I don’t know the mechanics of this website so if you are a person who keeps coming across my feed, then follow me and say something. Stop being lame and anxious. I’m also anxious so I understand the struggle so talk to me and stop struggling.

Aside from sports, which I try not to boast about, I am a music fan. Not a stereotypical “ohh yea dude, I looooooove music”, but I have a degree and working on my masters in music education. I love music from the ancient to 20th century and even today’s music. From Haydn to John Mayer I love it all. I play the french horn and have been playing it for 14 years and have been teaching band for 3 years. I currently teach at a private school, but my first two years was at a public middle/senior high school. I enjoy my time teaching so it really bites to know that I don’t get paid enough to only do that. I also have to work at Starbucks to make ends meet. If you think teachers get paid plenty, then you can go fuck yourself. Teacher don’t get paid nearly enough to deal with your dumbass, shitty kids. The reason teachers get so many breaks is because when you get to get rid of your children all day they come to us and we have to deal with them. We don’t want to deal with them anymore than you do, but the art of teaching is necessary and they need an important adult figure to actually care for them somewhere in their life. Obviously I’m not talking about all parents, but if you have seen some of the parents I’ve seen, then you wouldn’t be so prepared to argue against my statements. I’ve seen parents who leave their kids at the school after the final bell rings for HOURS because they are too busy shooting up (children of said parents have told me these things plus I’ve gone to college and done enough to know what being high on heroin and high on meth looks like). It’s a damn shame what some of these kids go through and it’s why I do what I do. To show kids that not all adult figures are pure shit and that someone loves them. We don’t get paid nearly enough for what we do.

Something about ranting is fun. I love blogging all of a sudden and I really hope I keep up with this because I’m nailing this. I don’t care what any of you have to say, but again I invite you to share your thoughts and opinions with me. If you disagree that teachers should not get paid more then explain your point and lets see if we can meet halfway. Maybe you know something I don’t. I mean, I’ve only been teaching for three years.

Well, again we have come to the end. As always I want to thank you for reading this if you did and I hope that your day is great and you love what you do and you love the people you are around. If this is not you, then I completely understand how you feel. The changing of the mindset from negative to positive is very hard to do and I struggle with it daily, but I invite you to struggle along side me and work to gain a more positive outlook.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle -Plato

Today is a work day. A relatively short shift working 6:30 to 11:15. My shortest shift of the week and I am taking full advantage. Have you tried anything new today? Have you added a day of consistency to something that you have been practicing? If so, then congratulation. If not, then don’t let this bring a negative vibe to your day. Just try again tomorrow or maybe this is a reminder and will put you where you desire to be. I believe in you whatever your situation may be.

Teaching students to transpose music wasn’t very difficult I found. I taught them to transpose music for an instrument in Bb to an instrument in C. It isn’t hard for those who know what they are doing, but as a brand new idea it was definitely a challenge for some of them. One student made an argument about me teaching the material wrong. With this specific form of transposition (Bb to C), the arranger must write the note a whole step down from the written note. My trombone player decided that I was wrong and that it is actually written a whole step up from the written note. She decided this after googling how to do it. After explaining why she was wrong, I told her I was proud of her for not being afraid to argue a point she felt confident in and I was more proud that she kept an open mind and changed her stance once she found out she was wrong and why. I want my students to argue when they feel that I am wrong about something. I’m not right just because I’m an adult. If that were the case, then no kid on this planet would have confidence. Had she been right I would have been embarrassed, but at the same time that would have given me the chance to correct my mistake. I love these kids enough to admit when I’m wrong and I trust them to understand and push forward no matter what I do or say. These kids have found so much success through my teaching style and this is why my graduate paper will consist of new teaching styles and pushing away from marching band to replace it with music education. In my opinion, it is more important for students to learn how to compose, arrange, transpose, and just completely understand everything that is happening in the music. Marching on the field is fun and blowing your chops out everyday on the field is fine, but where is the education part? Reading music stops becoming educational after so long. It becomes the same thing over and over again. Concert season teaches harder music, but that is half a semester of educational growth. Why not a full year? I couldn’t imagine where these students would currently be if they got a full year of music education every year. Imagine students composing the music that the ensemble will perform. Imagine students writing solos, duets, trios, jazz ensemble pieces, concert band pieces. Not only that, but students having the option to join a jazz ensemble, wind ensemble, small ensembles. Even marching band, but it won’t be so important that it takes away from the other ensembles. Everything will be an option which will grow the competition mindset in regards to more ensembles competing because I know some band directors refuse to believe that music education is more important than music competition. As much as I hate that, I also can’t control the ideas of others. I don’t want to do away with marching band entirely, I just want to widen the margins of universal music education and not just only leave it to 2 to 3 ensembles as the only source of music in high school.

I didn’t mean to get on such a rant, but it happened and you are left with either reading the paragraph or skipping it and moving on. The choice is yours. With that being said, I believe that will wrap up my second day of blogging. I hope that if you are a person who is pursuing music you read my rant and comment on whether or not you agree. I need opinions because I am currently walking blind with my own ideas and no one to tell me I’m right or wrong. I am just going along in ignorance, but understand I believe strongly in my opinion so if you disagree, I would love to have a discussion.

As always thank you for reading my blog and I hope to hear from you soon.

There are more things, Lucilius, that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality. -Seneca

I decided to write this blog because I have gone through a lot of changes and this will help to put it all on a page. I hope this just adds on to the benefits that I’ve already added to my life. So currently I am sitting in Starbucks on a rainy Tuesday before I have to go teach at the private school I work for. I’m listening to LoFi and drinking an iced caramel macchiato made with coconut milk and extra caramel drizzle. Yes, I am a basic bitch. The people working today or Miranda, Brenda, KG, Jordan, Evan, Robbie, Schylar, Denise, Cory (store manager) and Kaylee. I write this so I don’t forget the names of these people. Kaylee, Schylar, Brenda, Evan, and Jordan will be among the most memorable. No one will ever forget Denise.

Anyways, so I’ve made changes to my life. Working for Starbucks comes with the benefit of mental health and allows us to have the paid subscription of Headspace for free. Headspace, for those who don’t know, is a meditation app designed to help you fell less stressed, promote sleep, and keep you relaxed throughout the day among other things. So far, I’ve used it everyday since I’ve downloaded it and, though the changes have been minimal, there have been changes nonetheless. I’ve also started following the philosophical life of stoicism. Stoicism is a 2,000 year old philosophy geared towards living the good life through releasing control of things that are out of your control and working to steer the things you can control in a more comfortable direction. Both of these changes (Headspace, Stoicism) have helped a lot in regards to my mental health. I’ve been so worried about finding a wife that I’ve forgotten to live my life. I need to learn to find joy in solitude. I’m tired of being sad all the time working to get over a woman that I should have gotten over years ago. It’s time to become myself again and stop being so anxious. Of course, saying it is easy, living it is a bit different, though not very difficult.

I met a woman last week. For confidential purposes I will just call her A. Things seemed to be going pretty well with texting, snapping and the occasional phone call. We even hung out once going to Enoch’s (local pub) for the Tuesday night 2-for-1 burgers. I thought we had a really good time and so it seemed because we continued to talk for the next several days. Well, on Saturday it was my niece’s 4th birthday and A seemed to be in a good mood while texting me. We texted back and forth until I was distracted by my family and didn’t text her for a few minutes. I haven’t heard from her since. Now, I am not upset at all about this. I’ve known her for a week and she can make whatever decisions she wants. She is a grown woman and if she doesn’t have feelings for me then so be it. That’s perfectly okay. I am, however, very worried about her. She hasn’t checked my last snap nor has she made any move on social media. She wasn’t very active on social media in the first place, but regardless she up and disappeared. Maybe this is her way of ghosting. I’ve been ghosted plenty of times, but I guess, to me, this has been the weirdest case yet because of how happy she was before vanishing. I hope she is okay and this is just a ghost. My main source for being worried is her ex, according to her, is an aggressive narcissist who abused her and told her he would kill her dogs if she ever left him. That kind of talk leads me to believe that maybe he hurt her. Now, you are probably thinking, why not do a drive-by at her house. Just see if her car is in the driveway and the dogs in the backyard. It may be creepy, but hey..your mind will be at rest. The issue there is that she lives in a city 45 minutes northwest of my hometown in the middle of the woods. I have absolutely no clue were her house is, again we have only been talking for a week. Maybe I am way overthinking this and she just ghosted me and to that, I say you are probably right and I just need to take a chill pill. I haven’t tried to contact her today and I don’t think I will try again. If anything is wrong, her family is responsible for stuff like that. It sounds shitty, but it’s realistic.

She sure is pretty though. A red headed woman of 22, she is a traveler in every sense of the word. She travels all over the world by herself and blogs about it in her personal wordpress blog. (travelingyak.wordpress.com) You can read up on her adventures and also see what I missed out on. How sad it is and usually I would be in a distraught mood, but lately I have been in a state of calm and understanding. Being stoic has taught me that I shouldn’t worry about this because it is out of my control. I should be grateful because I have two jobs, a car, a home, running water, clean clothes, a full belly, family and friends who love me, and I’m in school for my masters in music ed that I am paying for with my own money. I have the freedom to travel all over this country and do whatever I want to do. I am alive and healthy and to have all this is enough to keep me grounded. A was just a missed opportunity and I hope she is finding happiness where ever she may be. She leaves for Beijing in March for another trip so for those who went over to her blog, be prepared for an awesome update.

Writing is freeing your thoughts from the cage that is your mind. Everything written is an imprint from your mind to your fingertips to the page. Talking is different because you release your mind into the air for people to forget, especially yourself. It is the unfiltered part of your brain that releases everything. Writing is the released of well thought out words that have been harbored in the mind. Ideas anxious to be let go with compassion. To write is to think, feel, and execute. That is how I feel while I’m writing this blog. If you were to talk to me, I feel like I would sound completely different because I have a hard time thinking before I speak. While I write, though, I have time to think about it and feel it before I let it go. For those who would like to write a blog, but are too worried that you may not be good at it or you’re embarrassed that other people will judge you for what you write, just do it. You can’t control what other people think of you no matter how hard you try. People will judge either because they just do not like you, or they are envious of you. Don’t get caught up on the latter though. I believe it is sometimes good to believe that people just genuinely may not like you and that’s okay. This teaches me to be humble and understand that I am not perfect and there is nothing anyone can do to make the whole world like them. You will have lovers and haters. It is natural and you shouldn’t waste negative thoughts on these ideas. As long as you live a good life in your mind, then there is no reason to worry about how other people feel about that. Just be comfortable in your own skin.

For my first blog this was really long. I don’t honestly expect anyone to read it, but if you’ve gotten this far then I want to personally thank you. If you disagree with me then tell me so. I love being social regardless if it because you like what I say or dislike it. Either way, I am hear to read your words and understand your ideas. If you have malice intentions, then write them as mean as you can and I will understand. No one likes to waste them time reading stuff they deem bullshit. Either way, I will thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my words.

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.

-Marcus Aurelius

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.