I woke up this morning with a desire to be better. Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever wake up and decide that today is the day. I’ll better myself in some way so that the people I love can see the best version of myself? Maybe you think you are already the best version of yourself. If that is the case, do you want to learn something new since there is nothing else to occupy your mind considering you’re already perfect? I wonder what it could be.
I have been teaching myself German for a long time. Too long some would say, but I’m not in a rush to know it. I’ll never need it seeing where my life is right now. If I ever move to Germany then I’ll be in good shape, but as much as that idea excites me, it’s only a fantasy. I’m struggling just to get out of my current city. The more I think about moving to Maine, the less that I can actually see it happening. 2,000 miles from where I currently live? I can’t even imagine and I know it’ll break some of my family’s heart, but that really isn’t my problem. The only thing that would wreck my world is if my grandmother passed while I’m up there. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Death in the family is a hard thing to accept. I love my grandmother so much and if anything were to happen to her then I would be destroyed. She is an amazing woman even at 85. Her health has been in a slight decline, but she still gardens and keeps her house looking like something out of HGTV. She is great and I hope she doesn’t get taken at least for another decade.
Writing becomes difficult for me after a while. Do you enjoy writing? Does it bring a side of you that no one around you is aware of? Do you feel more real on paper than you do in real life? I want to get to know the you both on paper and in real life. I want you to know how I am in real life and tell me if you prefer me on paper or me in person. I’m emotional on paper, but I pretend not to care in person. I’m almost an exact opposite. Maybe that is why I have such a hard time finding love. I’m hiding my real self from everyone around me. Maybe that should change, but I’m afraid the people around me won’t understand. The city I live in isn’t a fan of change even though that’s all they talk about. They will ask for change, but as soon as something changes then they all hate it. Usually it’s because it changes in a way that, though is better for everyone, ultimately goes against what they were hoping for. Maybe there is someone out there who can crack the wall I’ve built up around me. I hope, if you have a wall around you, you have someone who has torn it down and exposed you for who you want to be. I hope you are in love and they are in love with you.
“Man conquers the world by conquering himself.” -Zeno of Citium
Life Unboxxed 